A Woman’s Perspective on Erectile Dysfunction

When a woman’s partner is experiencing Erectile Dysfunction she often doesn’t know how to correctly handle the issue. The most important thing for a woman to do is to not downplay the issue and say it doesn’t matter. The man will take that as her saying that sex isn’t important. She needs to let him know that she desires to be with him and it is important that he seek proper help to make sure there aren’t underlying medical issues. In addition, there are solutions that can get his performance back and enable him to feel confident again.

The following article out of Dear Prudence from November 12, 2013 does a great job of sharing a 30 year old woman’s frustration with her husband

Q. Anonymous, Please!: My husband has been having trouble sustaining an erection for over a year now. It happens only sometimes, but lately it has been more and more frequent. I have tried to be calm, loving, supportive about it, and not to get upset. A few nights ago, though, I burst into tears and asked him why he hasn’t seen a doctor to try to get to the bottom of this. I said that I was too young (30) to live like this. He immediately agreed and made an appointment for a few days from now. Last night, it happened again, and I got upset. I feel like I can’t put on an act of loving support anymore, although I know this is supposed to be one of the most important things a wife can do in this situation. We haven’t successfully had sex in around three weeks. Since he got a clean bill of health on a recent physical, I feel that the problem is related to stress in his job, and I feel sure my reaction has multiplied the problem. Can you think of anything I can do to offset the damage I have done? I think I have really hurt his feelings and made him feel small (no pun intended), but it’s hard to just stifle all my emotions on this topic anymore.

A: It’s true that a wife bursting into tears and announcing, “I can’t live like this!” over the flaccid condition of her husband’s penis is likely to make him limp away in defeat. The good news is there’s nothing physically wrong, the bad news is that he is probably in a downward psychological spiral. Instead of enjoying sex, when he approaches you his brain just goes on autopilot with the alarming question, “What if I can’t keep it up? What if I can’t keep it up?” You two need to be able to talk about this, but the conversation should take place out of bed. Tell him you’re thrilled he’s physically fine, apologize for making a scene and compounding the problem, then tell him you’re confident you two can get your love life back on track. Surely, if you husband watches sports, he’s seen the endless ads showing that the majority of handsome, virile, middle-age men have erectile dysfunction. But there are pills to solve this! Your husband should go back to the doctor and ask for a prescription. Then you should read some books about sex and how couples restore good sexual functioning. Maybe the first few times he tries the pills you don’t have intercourse, you just enjoy each other and he gets to feel more confident about his erection. I have every confidence that soon you two will be staring at each other in that come hither way of the people in the ads, and my only suggestion is that you not soak too long in those separate bathtubs.